How many people do you know remain in a relationship that you know is going nowhere? One of the biggest reasons for people putting themselves in this type of situation is the fear of being single. Some people cannot fathom the thought of being alone or not having someone in their lives. Those people are more likely to find themselves in a situation where getting out is not as easy as getting in. What has to happen to force you to make a decision? How much are you willing to endure before enough is enough?
This is a very controversial topic as there will be thousands of opinions on this topic alone. I refer you back to my Perception Theory blog where I discuss that we all have different perceptions and that our interpretations will almost always differ from others. As a result of this I am sure your opinions of this blog will vary but it is my hope that it will make you think and look beyond what you see on the surface.
Too often I see people post on Facebook that their relationship status is complicated or they want someone else’s opinion on what to do. What brings a person to publicly post that problems exist in their relationship? Personally, I feel it’s a cry for help. Friends who know these people are going to wonder what is going on when all they have seen is happy and positive photos and status updates from that person. Some people have a fear of making it publicly known that there are problems within their relationship. We all want our followers to think that we live the best life and that we are lucky to have such a great person in our life, so why post when there are problems?
If you have to post in a public forum that you are unhappy or there are problems in your relationship haven’t you already made a decision as to which direction you plan to take. The easy answer to that question is “yes” but is it really that simple? For a person who is married it’s not that easy of a decision to make because you just can’t walk away and be done with it. Marriage involves paperwork and legally binding commitments that force you to contemplate whether divorce is worth the effort or pray that things get better. For some divorce is the only option and those that are serious about wanting to move on will not let any obstacle get in their way, but there are those who just don’t want to give up and that leads us to our topic of theory.
What has to happen for you to say enough is enough? Those with old fashioned values know that you just don’t give up on a relationship or marriage without making an effort to make it work. You do everything in your power to figure out what is wrong and work on fixing it. Divorce is always the last option especially when there are kids and a relationship that has an extensive history (more than 5 years). No one wants to put their children through a divorce, no matter what their ages are, because the thought of a split family and the need to develop a visitation schedule just seems like more of a headache than a solution. These are all obstacles that must be overcome for a person to make the final decision to consider divorce.
For those who say they are unhappy, how far are they willing to go to make their relationship work? How far must they be pushed emotionally before they say enough is enough? If there was an easy answer to these questions I could be a best selling author but we all know that no matter how many books you read you are always going to make your own decision in this case. Before you make any decision you have to evaluate what makes you happy, sad, think positive, what you can do without and what you can’t do without. Ponder that for a minute.
Now that you have pondered that last minute are you one of those people who are afraid to be single or start over? If I had a dollar for every person that made a relationship decision based on the fear of being single or starting over I could leave the military, purchase an island in the Pacific and live happily ever after with everything I have ever wanted. Unfortunately I don’t see a penny each time this occurs, but what I do see are relationships that have no future because of the reasons people stay in them. Is being alone really that bad that you are willing to remain in a relationship that makes you unhappy? Why does happiness need to be sacrificed in a relationship?
Have you noticed that this blog has many questions in it? There is a reason for that and that is because when you are evaluating your relationship whether boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, significant other/significant other, you have to ask yourself several questions to determine which direction you want to take. The fact you are even re-evaluating your relationship means something is lacking or you are unhappy. What are you willing to put yourself through physically and emotionally just to stay in a relationship?
If you ask me living drama free, worry free and being single is not as bad as most people make it out to be. I would rather be single and happy than remain in a relationship where I don’t feel appreciated, loved, cared for and respected. The longer you take you take to make that decision the more likely you are to deepen those feelings of being lost, hurt and depressed. Is it really worth it at that point?
You have the ability to make your own decisions. You have the ability to make changes in your life. You have the ability to walk away but do you have the willingness and determination to take that step and move on? Are you willing to accept the fact you could be considered selfish for holding someone back because you would rather “deal with it” rather than do something about it? Think about it, if you are holding them back you are holding yourself back.
Seek out happiness, seek out love, seek out that one person who is willing to make the same sacrifices you are but don’t accept anything less. You are better than that and if you are going to let someone disrespect you, put you down, not appreciate everything you have done for them then you have only yourself to blame. They don’t deserve what you are giving them if they are not willing to return the same effort. If you choose to remain in the relationship because you don’t want to be single or have a fear of starting over than you are setting the wrong example to your children and your friends.
Be a positive influence rather than the reason why others are making the same wrong decisions. Be the teacher rather than the student because you have the ability to make a difference in someone else’s life and your own. Good luck!